Shame: The Emotional Epidemic That’s Holding Us Down
In the bustling streets of New York City, conversations are always abuzz. But one topic that remains in the shadows is the experience of shame. Melissa Petro, a former public school art teacher turned author, is on a mission to bring this emotion to light. She recently shared her insights after interviewing 150 people about their own battles with shame and how it affects every corner of life, from motherhood to our careers.
The Journey of Discovery
Petro’s journey into exploring shame started two decades ago, when she began writing a memoir. What was once a personal tale of her experiences in the sex industry evolved into something much bigger: a comprehensive look at how shame infiltrates our lives. She notes that while embarrassment can sometimes be amusing, shame is anything but playful. It’s deeply tied to feelings of self-loathing and can feel crushingly isolating.
“You feel like you’re not just failing; you’re the reason for that failure,” she explains. That heavy realization can hang over anyone like a storm cloud, making it hard to feel free or connected to others.
Shame: A Quiet Epidemic
It’s interesting that shame is something we rarely verbalize. It’s lurking in the background, affecting us deeply, but the minute someone mentions it, we often recoil. “It touches on our most primitive fears—what if people reject us?” Petro suggests. This sense of rejection is terrifying and can keep people from discussing their feelings, leading to a perpetual cycle of internal struggle.
Throughout her interviews, Petro discovered that much of our shame is handed down from external sources—rules about how we should act, look, or perform. “Even my four-year-old daughter understands that there are certain ways to act to avoid criticism,” she shares. It’s a learned behavior that’s ingrained from such a young age and continuously reinforced.
Personal Experiences with Shame
Petro’s own life has been a roller coaster ride of shame. After working in the sex industry, she faced public scrutiny when the New York Post outed her. The aftermath was devastating. “I was moved to what they call a ‘rubber room’ in the education department, where teachers sit without any assignment. It’s like being put in time-out for grown-ups,” she describes. It wasn’t exactly a padded room, but the feeling of being ostracized was palpable. She shared a cubicle with a diligent data worker while she herself felt like an outcast.
“I spent those days listening to podcasts and digging into online articles, which really opened my eyes. I had lots of time to think, and that’s when I started to understand how my shame impacted me and others,” she shared.
Finding the Balance
One of the most poignant points addressed in Petro’s work is the thin line between sharing one’s story for healing and risking exposure. In her experience, writing can be a wonderful way to process feelings. “It’s therapeutic, but it leaves you wide open to vulnerability,” she muses. In today’s world, where personal essays reign supreme, how much is too much for the sake of public consumption?
Shame and Loneliness
Petro also draws parallels between the feelings of shame and what some call the loneliness epidemic. As folks are feeling increasingly isolated, they are silently battling their own demons of shame. “We’re not just dealing with feelings of disconnection; it might also be impacting our health,” she points out. Stress and shame are not just emotional burdens but can lead to serious health implications, making it crucial for us to confront and discuss these feelings openly.
Final Thoughts
As Petro’s book, “Shame on You,” gears up for its release, she hopes it will spark discussions about shame and its impact. It’s clear that this isn’t just a personal battle; it’s a shared experience that many face yet few dare to discuss. By shining a light on shame, Petro encourages us all to confront the heavy feelings we carry and perhaps, to lift each other up in the process.
